Anonymity
Our fellowship has evolved
to the lowest common denominator in
its definition and practice of
anonymity. This is
probably due to the large amount of
newcomers who are naturally
reluctant to disclose much about
themselves initially. To a large
degree though, it is also due to a
lack of knowledge or diligence by
the old-timers in instructing the
newcomers.
For
the newcomer who is scared to death
and reluctant to disclose himself
the anonymity tradition can be
easily confused as a veil of secrecy to
hide behind, sometimes forever. To
the old-timer anonymity all to often
just means not using your last name
at the level of press, radio,
television and films. The first is a
complete misunderstanding of
anonymity and the second is a
severely limited model of the
breadth and depth of this very
spiritual tradition.
No one demands
that the newcomer tell all about
himself in his first meeting. We
understand the need to take time to
identify and to begin to feel
secure. We also understand the need
for members to practice patience and
tolerance with newcomers. They are
sometimes on very thin emotional ice
and we do not want to destroy what
little faith they have in AA by
making too many demands on them too
soon. The fear of exposure is a very
real fear. Most newcomers believe
that if their community knew they
were coming to AA they would be
ruined financially, or at the very
least they would be mocked publicly
as being emotionally weak. They are
naturally very reluctant to risk
this emotional pain.
When we speak of
certain AA members breaking the
tradition by being anonymous below
the level of press, radio and film,
we are speaking about people who
have been around long enough to
begin working the steps and becoming
responsible AA members and still
stay anonymous (secret) in their own
communities. We are talking about
people who have had a chance to get
their spiritual feet on the ground
and who now have a support system
behind them. It is in this
population that a lack of
understanding of anonymity becomes
an obstruction to living a more
spiritual life--and of helping
newcomers do the same. By
this time we should be grateful for
our delivery from alcoholism and
willing enough to help others that
we don't mind others knowing we are
alcoholic. Trying to keep our
disease a secret seems to say that
we really don't think it is a
disease. If it were, why be
secretive? When we incorrectly apply
the principle of anonymity to our
lives (and remain secret in our
communities), we cut ourselves off
from the "Sunlight of the
Spirit." If we do not allow our
victory over alcohol through AA to
be known, then how are we going to
be of help to others? How can they
come to us for help when they don't
know what we have to offer?
Father John
Powell's best selling book is
entitled: "Why Am I Afraid
To Tell You Who I Am?" It
speaks to the point that until we
can feel fully loved, we have to
believe we are fully understood, and
to be fully understood we have to
have shared our darkest secrets with
at least one other person.
At the level of
our communities we do not share our
darkest secrets but we do share the
fact that we were alcoholic and that
we recovered in AA. Being exposed as
what we are, instead of what we want
others to think we are, gives our
friends and neighbors an opportunity
to see and judge us in a new light.
Now they can
curse us, laugh at us, or ignore us.
Unfortunately, this is what most
AA's think will happen. Not so.
Invariably they come and
congratulate us on our recovery and
compliment us on our new lifestyle.
After hearing this from a throng of
neighbors and friends we come to
believe and accept that we are OK,
alcoholism and all. This is the
situation we must create for
ourselves if we are to walk in the
sunlight of the spirit.
It is in this
manner that we demonstrate the
principles of AA in our daily lives
for others to see and judge. If they
like what they see, and if they or
one of their friends needs help,
they can come to us or go directly
to AA. It sounds so simple to be
saying this but this is the primary
way we carry the message.
But what happens
if we remain secret, or as secret as
possible, in our communities? In
these circumstances we live in a
state of perpetual anxiety. After
all, who can be really comfortable
hiding his identity as an alcoholic
knowing that at any minute someone
may walk up to him and confront him
with the fact that he has been
"found out." Of course
this rarely happens but we
always fear that "someone will
learn the truth about us and that
the truth will be bad."
Before going
further it might bode well for us to
examine an authority on anonymity.
Let us look at what Dr. Bob Smith,
co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous,
had to say about anonymity. In doing
so we need to bear in mind that it
was Dr. Bob who maintained his
anonymity while Bill was recklessly
breaking his anonymity in a quest
for stardom. Much was written by
Bill on this subject after
Dr. Bob died but no one
disputed who the authority was on
anonymity while Dr. Bob was still
alive.
It was Dr. Bob
Smith who, on his death bed
counseled Bill, "let's you and
me get buried just like everyone
else." Dr. Bob also counseled
others about anonymity. He is quoted
in Dr. Bob and the Good
Oldtimers as saying: "Since
our tradition on anonymity
designates the exact level where the
line should be held, it must be
obvious to everyone who can read and
understand the English language that
to maintain anonymity at any other
level is definitely a violation of
this Tradition.
"The AA who
hides his identity from his fellow
AA by using only a given name
violates the Tradition just as much
as the AA who permits his name to
appear in the press in connection
with matters pertaining to AA."
"The former
is maintaining his anonymity below
the level of press, radio, and
films, and the latter is maintaining
his anonymity above the
level of press, radio, and
films--whereas the Tradition states
that we should maintain our
anonymity at the level of
press, radio, and films."
Page 264, 265 of Dr.
Bob and the Good Oldtimers
These two pages
give a perfect example of why we
cannot be anonymous in our own
groups and meetings. If we
are anonymous at this level,
(below the level of press, radio,
and film) we are not making
ourselves spiritually available to
our fellowman. If we
understand that the measure
of our spirituality is exactly
parallel to our availability to our
fellowman. If we believe
our book is correct when it says the
only purpose of the program is to "make
us of maximum service to God and our
Fellow Man, then we must come to a
new and more enlightened
understanding about anonymity.
Again, we can
hardly be of help if our own
fellowship doesn't know how to get
in touch with us. By extension we
cannot reach other suffering
alcoholics by referral if our
nonalcoholic friends and neighbors
do not know that we are alcoholic
and have "recovered from a
seemingly helpless state of mind and
body." They simply would not
know where to send loved ones for
help if we remain anonymous at this
level. At the person to person and
the neighborhood level being
anonymous is the same as being
secret and this is the exact
opposite of carrying the message.
It is
often said that we must always act
as a good example of Alcoholics
Anonymous because we may be the only
copy of the big book that someone
may ever see. But how will they know
that we are an example of the big
book if they do not know we are
alcoholic? It should be obvious
that we must be identified with both
Alcoholics Anonymous as well as with
Spiritual Living in order to attract
others to AA and recovery. Again;
how can we be a program of
attraction to AA if the people in
our communities do not know we
belong to AA?
Why then the big
deal about anonymity? Our 12th
tradition explains what is meant. It
reads: "Anonymity is the
spiritual foundation of all our
traditions, ever reminding us to
place principles before
personalities." In the long
form it goes on to say that "we
are to practice a genuine humility
Just how do we do this?
First, we do not
go public at the level of press,
radio and film to prevent our
galloping ego's from getting out of
control, but there is something far
more important than that. That thing
is keeping our good deeds and our
good works anonymous.
Human nature is
sometimes a strange thing. It seems
almost natural for alcoholic and
nonalcoholic alike to want to be
loved and admired. One of the ways
we attempt to get this love and
admiration is in letting our good
deeds be known to our fellows so
that we are elevated in their
appraisal of us. At times we very
cunningly "admit" that
so-and-so was in trouble and it fell
on us to rescue him from one peril
or another. Very quietly we go about
the process of elevating ourselves,
rarely realizing that we are doing
so at the expense of the fellow we
are professing to have helped.
The flip side of
the coin is that we have gossiped
about a frailty or shortcoming of
one of our fellow man. Thus we have
defamed or ridiculed him. At the
very least we have lowered his
character and prestige compared to
our own. This insidious, gossiping
behavior can be prevented if only we
only keep our good deeds anonymous.
This is the main feature of
anonymity. Now a couple of questions
seem to present themselves.
How may times do
your hear your fellow alcoholics
talk of Jim A. etc in meetings? The
measure here is a direct measure of
our adherence to the Tradition of
anonymity.
How many times to
you hear your fellow alcoholics talk
of the good deeds they have done?
Again we can measure our progress in
practicing anonymity simply by
listening and taking stock of how
well we keep our good deeds to
ourselves as a society.
It might bode
well for AA for us to go back to the
drawing board and study the real
meaning of anonymity and its
implications for us as a fellowship.
But first we must ask ourselves:
Just what kind of anonymity is being
practiced here?
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