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Twelve
Steps of a Relapse
1. I
decided I could handle any emotional
problem if other people would just
quit trying to run my life.
2. I
firmly believe that there is no
greater power than myself and anyone
who says differently is insane.
3. I
made a decision to remove my will and
my life from God, who didn’t
understand me anyway.
4. I
made a searching and thorough moral
inventory of everyone I know, so they
couldn’t fool me and take advantage
of my good nature.
5. I
sought these people out and tried to
get them to admit to me, by God, the
exact nature of their wrongs.
6. I
became willing to help these people to
get rid of their defects of character.
7. I
was humble enough to ask these people
to remove their shortcomings.
8. I
kept a list of all the people who had
harmed me and waited patiently for a
chance to get even with them.
9. I
got even with these people whenever
possible except when to do so would
get me in trouble.
10. I
continued to take everyone’s
inventory and when they were wrong,
which is most of the time, I promptly
made them admit it.
11.
Sought through the concentration of my
will power to get God, who didn’t
understand me anyway, to see that my
ideas were best and he ought to give
me the power to carry them out.
12.
Having maintained my emotional
problems, as a result of these steps,
I recommend them to others who want to
lose their hard earned status and wish
to be left alone to practice neurosis
in everything they do for the rest of
their lives. ~Source and
Author Unknown~
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Slips
Do alcoholics
suffer from "Alcoholic
Behavior" or are they simply
victims of human nature? By the late
William D. Silkworth, M.D.
The mystery of
slips is not as deep as it may appear.
While it does seem odd that an
alcoholic who has restored himself to
a dignified place among his fellow
men, and continued dry for years,
should suddenly throw all his
happiness overboard and find himself
in mortal peril of drowning in liquor
- often the reason is very simple.
People are inclined to say,
"There is something peculiar
about alcoholics. They may seem to be
well, yet at any moment they may turn
back to their old ways. You can never
be sure. "This is largely
twaddle. The alcoholic is a sick
person. Under the technique of
Alcoholics Anonymous he gets well,
that is to say his disease is
arrested. There is nothing
unpredictable about him any more than
there is anything weird about a person
who has arrested diabetes.
Let's get it clear, once and for all,
that alcoholics are human beings just
like other human beings - then we can
safeguard ourselves intelligently
against most of the slips. Both in
professional and lay circles there is
a tendency to label everything that an
alcoholic may do as "alcoholic
behavior."
The truth is it is simply human
nature. It is very wrong to consider
many of the personality traits
observed in liquor addicts as peculiar
to the alcoholic. Emotional and mental
quirks are classified as symptoms of
alcoholism merely because alcoholics
have them, yet these same quirks can
be found among non-alcoholics also.
Actually they are symptoms of mankind;
ORDINARY PEOPLE. Of course, the
alcoholic himself tends to think of
himself as different, someone special,
with unique tendencies and reactions.
Many psychiatrists, doctors, and
therapists carry the same idea to
extremes in their analyses and
treatment of alcoholics. Sometimes
they make a complicated mystery of a
condition which is found in all human
beings, whether they drink whiskey or
buttermilk.
To be sure, alcoholism, like every
other disease, does manifest itself in
some unique ways. It does have a
number of baffling peculiarities which
differ from all other diseases. At the
same time, many of the symptoms and
much of the behavior of alcoholism are
closely paralleled and even duplicated
in other diseases.
The alcoholic "slip", as it
is known in Alcoholics Anonymous,
furnishes a perfect example of how
human nature can be mistaken for
alcoholic behavior.
"SLIPS"
IDENTIFIED
The "slip is a relapse!
It is a relapse that occurs after the
alcoholic has stopped drinking and
started on the AA program of recovery.
"Slips" usually occur in the
early stages of the alcoholic's AA
indoctrination, before he has had time
to learn enough of the AA technique
and AA philosophy to give him solid
footing. But "slips" may
also occur after the alcoholic has
been a member of AA for many months,
or even after several years, and it is
in this kind, above all, that one
finds a marked similarity between the
alcoholic's behavior and
"normal" victims of other
diseases. No one is startled by the
fact that relapses are not uncommon
among arrested tubercular patients.
But there is a startling fact - the
cause is often the same as the cause
which leads to "slips" for
the alcoholic. It happens this way:
When a tubercular patient recovers
sufficiently to be released from the
sanitarium, the doctor gives him
careful directions for the way he is
to live when he gets home. He must be
in bed every night by, say, eight
o'clock. He must drink plenty of milk.
He must refrain from smoking. He must
obey other stringent rules. For the
first several months, perhaps for
several years, the patient follows
directions. But as his strength
increases and he feels fully
recovered, he becomes slack. There may
come the night when he decides he can
stay up until ten o'clock. When he
does this, nothing untoward happens.
The next day he still feels good. He
does it again. Soon he is disregarding
the directions given him when he left
the sanitarium. Eventually he has a
relapse.
IN CARDIAC CASES
The same tragedy can be found
in cardiac cases. After the heart
attack, the patient is put on a strict
rest schedule. Frightened, he
naturally follows directions
obediently for a long time. He, too,
goes to bed early, avoids exercise
such as walking up stairs, quits
smoking, and leads a Spartan life.
Eventually, though, there comes a day
after he had been feeling good for
months, or several years, and has
recovered from his fright. If the
elevator is out of repair one day, he
walks up three flights of stairs. Or
he decides to go to a party - or do
just a little smoking, or take a
cocktail or two. If no serious
after-affects follow the first
departure from the rigorous schedule
prescribed, he may try it again until
he suffers a relapse. In both cardiac
and tubercular cases, the acts which
led to the relapse were preceded by
wrong thinking. The patient in each
case rationalized himself out of a
sense of his own perilous reality. He
deliberately turned away from his own
knowledge of the fact he had been the
victim of a serious disease. He grew
over-confident. He decided he didn't
have to follow directions. Now that is
precisely what happens with the
alcoholic - the arrested alcoholic, or
the alcoholic in AA who has had a
"slip". Obviously he decides
again to take a drink some time before
he actually takes it. He starts
thinking wrong before he actually
embarks on the course leading to a
"slip".
NOT ALCOHOLIC BEHAVIOR
There is no more reason to
charge the "slip" to
alcoholic behavior than there is to
lay a tubercular relapse to tubercular
behavior or a second heart attack to
cardiac behavior. The alcoholic
"slip" is not a symptom of a
psychotic condition. There is nothing
"screwy" about it at all.
The patient didn't follow directions.
And that's human nature! It's life!
It's happening all the time, not
merely among alcoholics, but among all
kinds of people. The preventive is
plain. The patient must have full
knowledge of his condition, keep in
mind the facts of his case and the
nature of his disease, and follow
orders. For the alcoholic, AA offers
some directions. A vital factor, or
ingredient, of the preventive,
especially for the alcoholic, is
sustained emotion. The alcoholic who
learns some of the technique or the
mechanics of AA but misses the
philosophy or the spirit, may get
tired of following directions - not
because he is alcoholic but because he
is human. Rules and regulations irk
almost anyone, because they are
restraining, prohibitive, negative.
The philosophy of AA however, is
positive and provides ample sustained
emotion - a sustained desire to follow
directions voluntarily.
PSYCHOLOGY NO DIFFERENT
In any event, the psychology
of the alcoholic is not as different
as some people try to make it. The
alcoholic has problems peculiar to him
perhaps, in that he has been put on
the defensive and consequently has
developed nervous frustrations. But in
many instances there is no more reason
to be talking about the
"alcoholic mind" than there
is to try to describe something called
the "cardiac mind", or the
"TB mind". I think we will
help the alcoholic more if we can
first recognize that he is primarily a
human being - afflicted with human
nature.
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THE PHASES OF RECOVERY
BOTTOMING OUT-
This is when people are
simply exhausted. They have
broken all the promises made
to themselves and to others
and feel as if there is
no lower place to
sink. Everyone has a bottom,
but you
know it when you feel it: it
feels terrible.
AMBIVALENCE-
This is the
"betwixt and between" stage
when people sit on the fence about
recovery.
The past seems too painful
to return to and the
future is too uncertain and
challenging to feel confident
about. People seriously
consider the possibility of a drug
free life and may begin to feel it
out. This is a phase of
self-doubt and
self examination.
COMMITMENT-
Now people begin to act on their ideas about
recovery. Patterns of
drug-free living emerge, and
gradually things start to go
right. Hard work, healthy
risk-taking in doing things, new
supportive relationships, and new
stability in the face if problems all
mark this period of new growth.
INTEGRATION-
This phase describes
recovering addicts in their new
lifestyles. It is really just
another name for the
universal process of finding
one's place in the world-and
continues for a lifetime for every
mature person.
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THE TEN MOST COMMON
DANGERS
1. Being in the presence
of alcohol, alcoholics, or places
where you used to drink (or"
party").
2. Negative feelings,
particularly anger: also, sadness,
loneliness, guilt, fear, or anxiety.
3. Positive feelings
that make you want to celebrate.
4. Boredom.
5. Getting drunk on any
form of alcohol (i.e. meds such as
cold medicine, or even mouth wash,
etc.)
6. Physical pain.
7. Listening to
"war stories" and dwelling
on getting drunk.
8. Suddenly having a lot
of cash.
9. Using prescription
drugs that can get you "high or
drunk" even if you use them
properly.
10.Believing that you are
finally cured-that is, that you are
no longer apt to crave alcohol (or
drugs related to the effects of it)
by any of the above situations or by
anything else-and, that therefore it
is safe for you to have a drink..
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TEN
LONGER TERM ACTIONS TO PREVENT
RELAPSE:
A.
LEARN TO PRAY AND MEDITATE.
Pray a minimum of three times each
day, upon awakening, upon retiring,
and before eating. Ask others how
they pray. Experiment. Ask your
Higher Power how you should pray.
Become a student of meditation
techniques. Practice the one's)
that work for you.
B. TAKE THE
TWELVE STEPS.
Make the 12 steps an integral part
of your life. Take steps 10, 11 and
12 every day. Take steps 1 through
9 in order. Try to be well into
step nine for your first sober
birthday.
C. LEARN TO
TAKE DIRECTION.
You got yourself into your drinking
pickle. Doing your very best on
your own will probably not get
yourself out of it and into a
quality sober life. Pick a person
to take you through the steps and
follow their suggestions.
D. ENJOY THE
FELLOWSHIP OF A.A.
We have lots of fun in A.A.
Introduce yourself to the winners
who are making it. Join up with
them before and after meetings.
E. FULFILL
A.A. COMMITMENTS.
Get to meetings early. Leave late.
Take on obligations to do something
for A.A., such as bring supplies,
setting up/cleaning up the meeting
place, making coffee, taking care
of literature, greeting at the
door, introducing yourself to
newcomers, etc.
F. STUDY THE
BIG BOOK, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS.
Weekly membership in a Big Book
Study or a Step Study is essential.
G. SPONSOR
SOMEBODY.
Get out of your own problems and
into those of somebody else.
Develop a deep understanding of the
A.A. message by carrying it.
H. GET A JOB.
Sometimes we have too much idle
time on our hands. The truly sober
alcoholic is not a burden upon
others.
I. VISIT THE
SICK.
An alcoholism ward in a public
hospital will show you where you
might wind up.
J. PRACTICE
THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL YOUR
AFFAIRS.
Your family, friends, employer,
neighbors and all those you meet
should be better off because of
you.
~Source
and Author Unknown~
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DRY DRUNK SYNDROME
(PARAPHRASED origin by R.J.
Solberg-Hazeldon)
Sobriety
will necessarily have its ups and
downs, its good times and its bad
times, if only because we live in a
world which we are inseparably joined.
One doesn't always sustain sobriety at
the same level. There are
fluctuations, shocks and setbacks
which, when addressed within the
context of the A.A. program, so not in
themselves imperil the totality of
one's sobriety. The Dry Drunk Syndrome
is a term that should not be used as a
catch-all when one has a bad day or a
bump in life throws us for a while.
Those are ups and downs that everyone
experiences and shouldn't be labeled
to be anything more than what they
truly are. The Dry Drunk is a
condition far more serious than the
highs and lows of our day-to-day
existence.
The phrase "dry drunk"
has two significant words for the
alcoholic. "Dry" refers to
the abstinence
from drinking, whereas
"drunk" signifies a deeply
pathological condition resulting from
the use of alcohol in the past. Taken
together these words suggest
intoxication without alcohol. Since
intoxication comes from the Greek word
for poison, "dry drunk"
implies a state of mind and a mode of
behavior that are poisonous to the
alcoholic's well being.
OBVIOUS
TRAITS Persons experiencing a
full-blown DRY DRUNK are, for that
period, removed from the world of
sobriety; they fail, for whatever
reason, to accept the necessary
conditions for sober living. Their
mental and emotional homes are
chaotic, their approach to everyday
living is unrealistic, and their
behavior, both verbal and physical, is
unacceptable.
This lack of
sober realism manifests itself in many
ways.
1.
Grandiosity, put very simply, is an
exaggeration of one's own importance.
This can be demonstrated either in
terms of one's strengths or
weaknesses. In either case it is
blatantly self- seeking or
self-serving, putting oneself at the
center of attention, from the
"big me" who has ask the
answers to the "poor me"
whose cup of self-pity runneth over
and wants all of our attention.
2.
Judgmentalism is mutually related to
grandiosity. It means that the
alcoholic is prone to make value
judgments - strikingly inappropriate
evaluations - usually in terms of
"goodness" or
"badness".
3.
Intolerance leaves no room for
delaying the gratification of personal
desires. This is accomplished by gross
confusion of priorities with the
result that a mere whim or passing
fancy is mistakenly given more
importance than genuine personal
needs.
4.
Impulsivity is the result of
intolerance or the lack of ability to
delay gratification of personal
desires. Impulsivity describes
behavior which is heedless of the
ultimate consequence for self or
others.
5.
Indecisiveness is related to
impulsitivity in the sense that while
the latter takes no realistic account
of the consequences of the actions,
the former precludes effective action
altogether. Indecisiveness stems from
an unrealistic exaggeration of the
negative possibilities of the action ;
so one wavers between two or more
possible courses of action, more times
than not- nothing gets done.
These
conditions, grandiosity, judgmentalism,
intolerance, impulsivity, and
indecisiveness taken separately or
together can lead to the following: a)
Mood swings, which are unrelated to
the circumstances to which one tries
to link them. Alcoholics zero in on
what they want others to think is the
cause of the mood swing, when it isn't
that at all. More often than not it is
something much deeper than the reason
given. Inversely it can also be
something totally insignificant with
no substance at all (e.g. the sugar is
too sweet or the donut is too round).
Any excuse will do. b) Unable to
demonstrate emotions freely, naturally
and without constraint. No emotional
spontaneity, no genuine spark. c)
Introspection. A very healthy thing to
do is difficult if not impossible for
the "dry drunk". It means to
look inward to one's examing each
thought and desire, which is linked
directly to one's attitude. d)
Detachment. Become aloof, display
indifference, don't care one way or
the other, no special likes or
dislikes, they withdraw. e)
Self-absorption- with a tendency to
call attention to whatever they have
attained. Narcissism which is quite
simply self-love. They become pompass
asses. f) The inability to appreciate
or enjoy themselves - nothing
satisfies. g) Evidence of
disorganization, is easily distracted,
complains of boredom, and nothing
seems to fit. h) A nostalgia sets in,
a kind of wistful yearning for
something of the past, such as freedom
from care associated (falsely) with
drinking, bars, drinking associates,
and friends; the music, blue lights,
and tinkle of the ice cubes in a glass
in the neighborhood saloon. I) There
can be a kind of romanticism, which
includes unrealistic valuations of
lifestyles and character traits which
can be and usually are objectively
dangerous to one's sobriety. j)
Escapism. Fantasizing, daydreaming,
and wishful thinking are very much in
evidence in the dry drunk syndrome as
the individual slips farther and
farther from reality.
Since the
abnormality of the alcoholic's
attitudes and behavior during the
drinking career is generally
recognized, the persistence or these
character traits after stopping
drinking (or the reappearance after an
interlude of sobriety) is equally
abnormal.
The term
"dry drunk" therefore
denotes the absences of favorable
change in the attitudes and behavior
of the alcoholic who is not drinking,
or the reversion of these by the
alcoholic who has experienced a period
of successful sobriety. From these
conditions, it is to be inferred that
the alcoholic is experiencing
discomfort in life.
The
self-destructive attitudes and
behavior of the dry drunk alcoholic
are different in degree but not in
kind. The alcoholic, when drinking,
has learned to rely on a deeply
inadequate, radically immature
approach to solving life's problems.
And this is exactly what one sees in
the dry drunk.
ANALYSIS OF
DRY DRUNK BEHAVIOR The alcoholic who
rationalizes their own irresponsible
behavior are also likely to find fault
in the attitudes and behavior of
others. Although not denying their own
shortcomings, they attempt to escape
notice by cataloging in great detail
the transgressions of others.
The classic
maneuver of the dry drunk is
over-reaction. The alcoholic may
attach a seemingly disproportionate
intensity of feeling to an ordinary
insignificant event or mishap.
Some
alcoholics who experience the dry
drunk seem to know all the answers,
are seldom at a loss for words when it
comes to self-diagnosis. Their
knowledge is quite impressive, their
apparent insight, as apposed to
genuine insight, is convincing.
CORRECTIVE
MEASURES: Those undergoing a dry drunk
lead impoverished lives. They
experience severe limitations to
grow,, to mature, and benefit from the
possibilities that life offers. They
lack the freshness and spontaneity
that genuinely sober alcoholics
manifest. Their life is a closed
system, attitudes and behaviors are
stereotyped, repetitive, and
consequently predictable.
Alcoholics
learn early that humility and a power
greater than them- selves are the
bedrock for a genuine and productive
sobriety. An unusual measure of
self-discipline must accompany the ego
deflation process. Needed is
self-discipline in honesty, patience
and responsibility towards the
recovery process [and acceptance of
their disease]. [To improve long term
goals of sobriety be aware of mental
stressers, get more involved in the
recovery program, get active in the 12
steps, get and use a sponsor, talk
things out.] Hopefully. they will
begin to appreciate the ironic folly
of those alcoholics who think life has
suddenly become manageable again;
whose sanity is beyond question; who
see no need of turning their lives
over to a power greater then them-
selves; who find personal inventories
unnecessary since they are seldom in
the wrong and are no longer subject to
the embarrassing need of repairing the
wrongs they have done.
When dry
drunk alcoholics awaken to this irony
that they, still un- manageable, still
powerless, are the ones who have made
this remark- able
"recovery," they may feel
sufficiently mortified to want to
change.
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A List of
Symptoms Leading to Relapse:"While the
individual himself must maintain the
disciplines that insure sobriety,
there are ways in which others can
help. Nearly every person close to
the alcoholic is able to recognize
behavior changes that indicates a
return to old ways of thinking.
Often these individuals and fellow
A.A. members have tried to warn the
subject, who by now may not be
willing to be told. He may consider
it nagging or violation of his
privacy. There are many danger
signs. Most alcoholics, if
approached properly , would be
willing to go over an inventory of
symptoms periodically with a spouse
or other confidante. If the symptoms
are caught early enough and
recognized, the alcoholic will
usually try to change his thinking,
to get "back on the beam
"again. A weekly inventory of
symptoms might prevent some
relapses. this added discipline is
one which many alcoholics seem
willing to try. Following is a list
of common symptoms leading to
"dry drunk: to possible
relapse, or to what AA commonly
calls "stinking thinking." 1.) EXHAUSTION: Allowing yourself
to become overly tired or in poor
health. Some alcoholics are also
prone to work addictions-or perhaps
in a hurry to make up for lost time.
Good health and enough rest are
important. If you feel well you are
more apt to think well. Feel poorly
and your thinking is apt to
deteriorate. Feel bad enough and you
might begin thinking a drink
couldn't make it any worse. 2.)
DISHONESTY: this begins with a
pattern of unnecessary little lies
and deceits with fellow workers,
friends and family. then come
important lies to yourself. this is
called rationalizing-making excuses
for not doing what you do not want
to do, or for doing what you know
you should not do. 3.) IMPATIENCE: Things are not
happening fast enough. Or, others
are not doing what they should or
what you want them to. 4.)
ARGUMENTATIVENESS: arguing small and
ridiculous points of view indicate a
need to always be right. "Why
don't you be reasonable and agree
with me?" Looking for an excuse
to drink? 5.) DEPRESSION: unreasonable and
unaccountable despair may occur in
cycles and should be dealt with
--talked about. 6.) FRUSTRATION: at people and also
because things may not be going your
way. Remember-everything is not
going to be the way you want it. 7.) SELF-PITY: "Why do these
things always happen to me? Why must
I be alcoholic?" Nobody
appreciates all I am doing--(for
them?) 8.) COCKINESS: Got it made-no
longer fear alcoholism-going into
drinking situations to prove to
others you have no problem. do this
often enough and it will wear down
your defenses. 9.) COMPLACENCY: "Drinking was
the furthest thing from my mind.'
Not drinking was no longer a
conscious thought either. It is
dangerous to let up on disciplines
because everything is going well.
Always to have a little fear is a
good thing. More returns to
addiction occur when things are
going well than otherwise. 10.) EXPECTING TOO
MUCH FROM OTHERS: I’ve changed:
why hasn’t everyone else? It’s a
plus if they do - but it is still
your problem if they do not. They
may not trust you yet, may still be
looking for further proof. You
cannot expect others to changed
their life - styles just because you
have. 11.) LETTING UP ON
DISCIPLINES: Daily journaling,
program work, self - help group
attendance. This can stem either
from complacency or boredom. You
cannot afford to be bored with the
program. The cost of returning to
addiction is always too great. 12.) SUBSTITUTING
CHEMICALS: You may feel the
need to ease things with a pill, and
your doctor may go along with you.
You may never have a problem with
chemicals other than alcohol or
never used alcohol, but you can
easily fall staring this way - it’s
about the most subtle way to return
to addiction. Remember, you will be
cheating. 13.) WANTING TOO
MUCH:
Do not set goals you cannot reach
with normal effort. Do not expect
too much. It’s always great when
good things you were not expecting
happen. You will get what you are
entitled to as long as you do your
best., but maybe not as soon as you
think you should. Happiness is not
having what you want, but wanting
what you have. 14.) FORGETTING
GRATITUDE: You may be looking
on your life, concentrating on
problems that still are not totally
corrected. Nobody wants to be a
Pollyanna but it is good to remember
where you started from - and how
much better life is now. 15.) IT CAN’T
HAPPEN TO ME: This is dangerous
thinking. Almost anything can happen
to you and is more likely to if you
get careless. Remember, you will be
in worse shape then you were in when
you stopped if you start to drink
and/ or use again. 16.) OMNIPOTENCE: This is a feeling
that results from a combination of
many of the above. You now have all
the answers for yourself and others.
No one can tell you anything. You
ignore suggestions or advice from
others. Returning to addiction is
probably imminent unless drastic
change takes place. |
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